Isn't it true in our
day, that we
are too quick to call people friends?
Friendship is an important
subject. We
all can relate to it, but far too many don't understand it. A
misunderstanding
is bound to happen when we fail to clearly define our
friendships. 
Some
of us have already paid that price.
There is a difference
between an acquaintance
and a friend.
When we fail to define our
friendships, others will eventually get hurt, feel rejected, and even
become alienated.
Have you ever heard the words, "I thought he was
my friend"? Perhaps you have said those very words. Well,
could the problem be that you have not defined what kind of friendships
you have?
Friendship
can be defined on three (3) levels:
Level
One: Friendship of Pleasure: "We
have fun times together"
Birthday parties,
weddings, take vacations together. Here we do things together for the
mere
purpose of having fun.
We don't necessarily
call one another when we have needs.
Level
Two: Friendship
of Utility: "We help each other in
times of need"
You need a ride to a
place*, borrow or lend
money, a business partner, you need a text book to borrow, you
need
someone to baby-sit your children for the weekend.
The people that we
often remember only when we need help, are friends of utility. We
reintroduce
them into our lives when we have a need.
Level
Three: Friendship of Character: "We
build each other up for life"
This is the highest
level of friendship. This is a true friend.
True friends can
speak into our lives. They are not standing on the fringes afraid that
we will 
be offended
by what they have to say to us. If you cannot speak
into or be spoken into without the fear of alienation, you do not have
a true friendship.
Too much diplomacy
and politeness may be an indication of pretense.
Faithful are the
wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
--
Proverbs 27:6 (NKJV)
Iron sharpeneth
iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
-- Proverbs 27:17
Really stop and think about
it; from
our definitions above, we can see that two
thirds (or 67%) of the people we call friends are
really acquaintances. It takes more work and commitment to have
"friends of character." It can literally wear you out if you attempt to
have too many people speaking into your life.
Therefore it is foolish to
have too many
"real" friends. Why? You must qualify those who can speak into your
life.
Acquaintances? a dime a dozen. But true friends require time and
careful consideration to be developed.
Where most problems
arise is when
you or I consider someone to be a "true friend" or friend of character,
but he or she considers us to be a friend of pleasure
or
utility. Each person brings with him or her a different set of
expectations.
By no means am I suggesting that we go up to someone and ask, "are you
a true friend or an acquaintance?" That would be too rigid. I
think
with time we will know.
It is possible for someone
to start out
as an acquaintance and become a true friend for life. Give it time!
---Kayode
Taiwo
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